I really felt called to write a blog regarding the stories that I learned about while I was on the road. Unfortunately, at the time that I started this blog I wasn’t able to dedicate the time necessary to achieve that goal. Thankfully that season of my life concluded and the stressors and things that were sucking away my time have been greatly reduced through the bountiful blessings that our Lord has given me; new job (with two promotions in the last 6 months); financial windfalls; and a much stronger prayer life (thanks to a small group bible study.) Despite these blessings; for almost a year now I’ve felt like I’ve been coasting and needed to take action. Lately during my prayer time I’ve felt God pointing me back towards writing about people’s testimonies again.
In the past I felt demoralized that no one seemed to approach me to tell me about their testimonies and at the time I felt that if God had truly wanted this ministry blog to prosper then he would have placed people in my path. The time away from writing over the last year has changed that viewpoint for me and now I understand that I need to be the one to step forward and actually ask people to share their testimonies. To start with I’d like to share a small story of my testimony and will soon have some other people’s testimonies to share.
Recently during the music worship at church I was really longing to see the cross. When I closed my eyes I could see a dim shape of the cross against my eyes similar to an afterimage that you would see after staring at something for a long time. I opened my eyes to see if there was anything up near the pulpit area that might be causing an afterimage, but I couldn’t see anything that might have caused that kind of effect. Still longing to see the cross I kept closing my eyes as I continued to sing. During one of the times as my eyes closed a bright light (maybe from one of the spotlights) shown directly into my eyes. As soon as my eyes were completely closed I could see an incredibly detailed image of the cross seen from just in front of and slightly above the left arm of the cross. Everything that I saw was in rich deep browns except for the light that was coming from above the right arm of the cross. The beam of light shown down across the top of the arms of the cross, glinted off of the back of Jesus’ bowed head and shown along the top of his arms. His head was bowed forward in exhaustion and His face was obscured, but the details of His hair were crystal clear as the light shown down on it.
The song that the worship team was singing wasn’t one that I knew very well, and I had to keep opening my eyes so that I could see the next verse of the song. When my eyes opened I would read the next words of the song we were singing and would quickly close them again trying to keep the image of Jesus in my mind. Every time I opened my eyes I was saddened that the image that I could see so clearly with them closed would instantly disappear. As quickly as I could I closed my eyes again trying to keep the vision of Jesus in my mind. I was caught between two conflicting desires. On one hand I wanted to continue to sing praises to My King, but on the other hand I also wanted to just luxuriate in the image of Jesus floating behind my closed eye lids. I kept singing and kept popping my eyes open just long enough to see the next words of the song, but I always wound up rapidly close them again as I kept trying to keep that intimate viewpoint of Jesus in my mind.
Unfortunately, the image that I saw faded a little bit more everytime that I opened my eyes to see the words that I needed to sing next. When the song ended and the musicians continued to play I stood there with my eyes completely closed struggling in a vain attempt to bring the image of Jesus’ sacrifice back to life. I really hungered to see that image of Him again and to feel the closeness that I’d experienced; as though I’d actually been there on that day to see him hanging on the cross for my sins, but the image continued to fade. Just before it faded away completely my viewpoint of the cross changed. Instead of the view from the side that I’d been humbled by I now found myself staring straight down at the cross from directly overhead. I watched as Jesus’ arms came forward as though he was preparing to dive off of the cross, but as his arms came forward they changed into beautiful, brilliantly, golden wings that stretched out in front of him. My mind paused for a brief moment as I tried to figure out what this image was supposed to mean. Suddenly Psalm 91:4 clearly popped into my mind. He shall cover thee with His feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
Throughout the Pastor’s sermon and my drive home the image below remained firmly fixed in my mind and didn’t start to fade until I actually started to attempt to draw what I’d seen in church. What I finally managed to capture on paper is at best a poor imitation of the view that God let me see and I’m thankful for the fact that He reached down and not only answered my prayers of longing by allowing me to see Him, but also immediately answered the questioning thoughts in my mind when showed me a vision of His promise in Psalm 91.